Goodbye and Goodnight
Well that’s it. No more high school. Ever. It’s done. Gone. In the past.
I will never again walk through those halls. Never say good morning to Mrs. Perry. Never have to sit through another photo class. Never have another debate in Brown’s class.
No more Homecoming.
No more intimidating campus supervisors.
No more football or basketball games.
For the past four years I have hated that campus and the people on it with a passion. Having to put up with so much immaturity from both students and teachers for that long had left me tired of anything to do with school. And yet for some reason, on the last day of school, I couldn’t leave. No one could. We stood out in the parking lot next to Michelle’s car for fifteen minutes because we realized we would never go back for class again. Sure, we still had graduation practice, graduation, and SCRAM left, but none of that is the same as your classes. The people you’ve hung out with for 56 minutes a day for 180 days will no longer be a part of your life. Four years ago, I could not wait for the last day of my senior year. Instead of being all smiles and happily leaving after my last final, I stood with friends, crying, almost scared to get in the car.
High school is a funny thing, and by funny I mean not funny at all. It is not fun or a good time, and pretty much torture compared to the rest of your life. You will time to move faster and faster so you can move on and grow into who you really are. Then with two or three weeks left of the year, you begin to freak out. You still count down the days, but no longer in the way you’re used to. You count the days you have left with the people who make your English class bearable; the kids you argue with in Economics suddenly mean something to you. You look at all the people you used to be friends with and realize that who you hang out with now will soon be gone as well. The realization that rather than going back to school with familiar faces in the falll, you will be saying goodbye to friends who are going off to college. Even the people you don’t talk to but just pass by every day make you sad because they represent familiarity, something that will disappear all too soon.
As painful as it is, or was, high school will forever hold a certain special place in my heart. It’s been my bubble for so long. I’ve lived in the same house on the same street in the same town for my entire life. In a matter of months I will trade it all in for a lonely studio, an unfamiliar street, and a terrifyingly overwhelming new city. When put in that perspective, I question my sanity. What makes me think I can handle so much change in such little time? Then I remember that far less grounded, aware people have made it on their own. I’ve done my research, I’ve paid close attention as to what not to do.
I can do it.
I will do it.
Consider it done.
Farewell cruel, cruel high school, it’s been a pain in the ass knowing you.
Dear Friend,
There never seems to be an end to it. There’s always a need for escape, a way to feel anything than the nothing you feel now. Complete apathy. Self loathing. Hatred of the world, it’s inhabitants and everything they stand for; or at least what they claim to. There is always a want for something else, anything else. A new place. New faces. Whatever isn’t this is better. You long for that chance to start over in a place where you don’t have to act and pretend anymore. You aren’t lying to your friends, you can get out of bed, start caring about things and people. Maybe even be happy; what a fantastic concept, being happy. Doing things because you FEEL things. Hell, feeling anything other than that crippling, searing, pathetic internal pain would make you “happy.” But if it makes you feel even slightly better, know that I’m here whenever you need me.
Madina Swan: now i've done it
sometimes you just gotta roll with the punches. the tricky part i’ve found is not knowing how many of them are comin. I like to reference any of the “Rocky” movies. The guy gets wailed on the entire match, non-stop punches until he’s just about to die and then somehow manages to squirt out one…
BEST VIDEO EVER I LOVE YOU HUGH
from now on this is all i’ll think about when i look at a scantron
do you ever wonder
where you’re going to be in two years? four? ten? everyone always says they ended up somewhere way different than they planned. so if you have this dream of where you want to be after high school or college, does that mean your dreams don’t come true? i know that sounds like a stupid question to ask. but think about it:
whatever you dream to be, whether it’s a doctor or an actress or a singer, it’s your passion, right? if you don’t end up there, that doesn’t just go away does it? even if your ideals or goals change, that intense passion you had can’t possibly just..disappear. there’s a reason you have big dreams; YOU LOVE DOING IT or the feeling you get from it. something that strong doesn’t magically fizzle out.
all of this leaves me scared. i’m afraid that everything i’m so intensely passionate about now will mean close to nothing to me in a few years. if i love music now, does that mean i’ll be working as a secretary or some bullshit job? i’d like to believe that nothing about that is going to change, mainly because i can’t think of anything that makes me as happy as music does.
certain people have laughs that are just so damn contagious…example a
NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY
